Dear Michael Corte

It's been 8 months now without you. I'm not going to lie it's been hard. I miss you everyday. I known you since I was 15. Our meeting is a whole other story.... but really beautiful. What do you do without the one person that has help you to grow up and change? I still don't know. I go to work and I try to draw and invent and remember the person I knew and that you knew but you molded me. No one could ever make me laugh the way you did. Such a bright soul you were. Our tale is a beautiful one. And a sad one. I told you before you passed that you were (reguardless your pain through the cancer) the lucky one. Because myself and many others would miss you. And I have to live everyday missing you. There's a lot of pain with that. I asked you time and time again "how do I do this without you?" You were my heart, my creativity, my soul, my alter-ego, I need you. And you always smiled and said, " I promise I will come back to see you. You will be taken care of. I'll find someone to help you and that will love you as much as I do." And you did. I see you in dreams more in the beginning. Not so much now. In my dream I am walking down a sidewalk talking to you. I overhear other people asking who I'm talking to. Only I can see you. You tell me that if I'm sad you're sad and not to cry anymore. I feel down the stairs a week after your funeral. I had a heart shaped bruise on my arm. I smell you in the mornings sometimes. I feel you hold me at night. I get woken up by it.
You were so funny and handsome. Everyone loved you. Your talent people don't even know. I am so lucky to have had someone like you. I remember when you got diagnosed you cried because you were going to lose your hair. And when I cried you held me and said the most profound things. You were something else. Almost inhuman. You made me believe in myself. You made me believe in love and happiness and I could never thank you enough for that. I've been a shell of who I once was. I miss you. You let me know my art was worth it and my writing was good. You believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. There aren't enough words to explain who you are to me. But I'm traumatized. You got skinny. You lost your hair. Lauren heard you cry at night. Seeing you cry broke my heart and I still can't piece that together. Your left side of your face was paralyzed and you couldn't talk. You had to write things down. The last sentence you told me was "you're beautiful." You threw up everyday. You had to drink out of a straw. I made you do yoga when you had the hiccups and you hugged me cuz you didn't want to do these things anymore. All this from someone who was so independent and smart, talented, handsome, amazing, and who was my life. Your last words were "Mama it hurts." and I wonder how I keep it together. God. It's just so mean. I will never get over this. I cry because I miss you and because you hurt so much for three years. BUT you told me this one day because I was upset.

9:36pm

Expand

Show Images

Michael Frank Corte

It pains me to hear you and other people say that. I have fought through so much just to stay alive. No one will ever really know how hard it was, how much physical pain i went through, and how emotionally draining it was and still is. Next week i could find out i have cancer and there will be nothing i can do this time around to fight it. But you know, so what? I will continue to better myself, take care of my body, make dumb songs that no one will ever hear, draw pictures that no one will ever see, meet new people, make new friends, go out on my own without fear, without expectattions, search for love, and cherish the friends and family i have in my life. Chin up you beautiful, talented, funny, SMART, and unquie girl. life is what you BELIEVE it to be, its up to your imagiantion and NO ONE else. You are an original, there will never be another LNZ, I have loved from day one and will continue to do so until my last breath.

And you did. I love you Michael. Thank you for all that you made happen for me. I need to do better be better and live better, for others. People will remember you. I'm going to try. And I'm going to be that person you saw that I still can't see. Thank you so much for being anything and everything to me.

Rocking Horse

Love doesnt have a fist.
Love isn't a wondering eye.
If only I could make a list
for all women to go by.

When the lips that kiss you are cut
and bruises are made from restraint
Religion can be used as a cover-up
believeing in God doesn't make you a saint.

Love doesn't degrade
Love isn't about age.
There may never be a way to describe love
but you know how to behave.



No matter how pissed.
Love doesn't use a fist.

Ode to an old friend

Intertwining vines
creates a vineyards skin
Intellect for a mind
and glows from within
a piece of art or maybe
its just natural beauty
and one day will have the love
they only show in the movies
dressed to always impress
because jaws are about to drop
even if she wears a bag instead of a dress
the beauty can't be stopped.
A smile that will go on forever
uncovers happiness
The stars will light your way through wilderness
The sun will forever sit by your side
your footprints will be cemented
by the sand that hugs the tide.
One day paradise will greet you with open arms
and grasp you with a blanket of leaves
which will shield you from harm.
Till then close your eyes and open those wings
Create that crystalis and wait for metamorphisis
and you will mold into a beautiful human being

Penis envy

(They look at him)
       
They see talent,            
                                                                                                  they see
                                                          creativity,

    intellengence,
                                             art,                                            kindness,


        They see self esteem,
                                                             religion,
strength,
                                                                                          agility,
                                                                                                                attraction,
     good,


and most of all, they see perfection.

(They look at me............) and
                                             turn
                                                    away.

Orange book

Things change.
Is it my concern?
Is the future planned?
Another page turns.

Memories are just a reminder
I can't forget to remember
change can be minor
compared to when things are over.

The world turns                and turns              and turns.

Things change.
Take advantage of the moment,
when you have it.

The moon glows              and glows             and glows.

Do things change?
Or do we just get old?

MAYTAG MAN! a tiny little jingle

Our stove discolored, we need help fast! It's then I discovered that Maytag is fast.
Who's at the door?
What's the dog barking for?
Who's always there?
Who's price sare fair?
THE MAYTAG MAN!

He came straight to my pad.
His shirt said his name was Brad.
He was gone in a heart beat.
Maybe I should break the T.V.?

As he drove away from me.
My life became black.
I guess I will break the T.V.
So he will come running back.

Let's all love the Maytag Man!

Esophagus

I'm just a rope.
an inadement object.
I didn't used to hope
now I wish I was useless.

Tied around gentle hands
spoken words of his demands.
I am too frightened.
I start to fall into knots.
I can't untighten....
or have any thoughts.

As I lay on the floor,
what have I done?
with a girl who thought she was secure enough
to be alone with someone.

I wish I could wrap myself around his neck.
Wish I was something other then someone's object.
If only I could pull tight.
Just so he will know his actions aren't right.

I'm just a rope, an inadement object.
This must be my fault, I think as I reflect.

Dumpster cat

Someone let the cat out of the bag.
I was let in on the joke.
Contemplated while I took a drag.
And listened carefully while truth spoke.
Let go of my hand...
Let go of my soul....
Let go of my mind.....
Now that I know.
Another pranced around your bedsheets.
Someone with a blurred face.
Someone pretended to love me.
Center of a attention that took her dimension to the center of once was my place.

This motive was created to feed anxious ovaries,
vindictive she kissed the soul he breathes.
It was the same oxygen that used to revive me.

His backbone is poisonous.
His body sold for parts.
He threw away his lips,
so his words wouldn't damage my heart.

I needed to turn my back on what my eyes didn't see.
What I didn't know, low and behold, all  along
the joke....
was on me.

Outer limits between two moons

Close your eyes and exhale,
drift to a plain without a Heaven without a hell.
Your relaxed aura peaks,
turn off your mind and let your body speak.
We will shine next to the constellations
while dancing on Jupiters rings.
We will lay in a sea of clouds
and fall in love with sound when the heart beats.
Your home is here.
It extends to the outter corners of the atmosphere.
This love blankets me soft.
The scent of a man that make my worries peel off.
Undoubtedly aromic.
But only for a moment......

Seashells talk

The ocean came crying, couldn't believe the damage done.
The seashells told her of a time underneath the sun.
Eels swam in dangerous tides and created a treasure chest of lies.
It washed to my feet
the lock broken
and in disbelief,
couldn't believe what was about to be out in the open,
to cause this much grief.
I was hoping for more of a relief.
Instead behind shut blinds
beneath a blanket of untelling stars,
the sand attempted to wash away
a night that went too far.
The message in the bottle felt sorry for me.
Low and behold the bottle's message told me something i didn't see.
The waves grew greater as the tears fell down,
but what do you expect when u hang with the eels
 whom are always lurking around.

Stump of the elm tree

I know all about misery, I've done the deed
I'm not a savior, my halo broke on my road to Christianity.
The result is myself feeling fake, there are no more ways to take
to get to the Church of Nazerene.
All my feathers blew to the ground.
I was naked when I showed unknowingly
feathers don't make a sound.
Help me find that faith inside.
I need to better place to go when I die.
And I'm tired of asking for saviors
when all that delivers are failures.
Shivering in the cold blooded breeze,
My wings are diseased.
My wings decrease.
My wings aren't me.
Soul searching for myself, Church of Nazerene.
Sins create secrets
secrets so dirty one can't get clean.
I will cry tears of blood, tie me up
walk on coals, heal the souls,
talk to God, the one I forgot,
starve half to death, have my last breath
JUST
to be saved at the Church of Nazerene.

My car DESTROYED the butterfly race.

I was driving in my car today.
These two butterflies were trying to mate.
Unfortunately they were in my way.
OH MY GOD!
I destroyed the butterfly race.
Two of them at the same time.
Now they will never multiply.
The others are doomed!!!
I'm the one that took that away.
Murdered in cold blood.
Ran over and now one with the mud.
No more taking necter in the sun.
These poor creatures died as one.
It was me, I admit, that killed this race.
A issue in life I will have to face.

The saddiest day in this millenium.
But I have to ask.....
Can butterflies fly to Heaven?